Frequently Asked Questions

What's the purpose of marriage preparation?

Because marriage is so significant (see Why does the Church have so many rules about marriage?), the Archdiocese insists that all couples go through the marriage preparation process. There are several goals of this process:

To determine whether you have the basic elements of a psychological, intellectual, moral and legal capability for marriage and family life;
To foster a clear awareness of the essential characteristics of Catholic marriage: unity, fidelity, indissolubility, and fruitfulness;
To offer an opportunity for deepening your personal faith and to help you discover of the value of the sacraments and the experience of prayer;
To offer you practical advice and assistance to preserve and cultivate your married love, including such topics as marital communication, and how to overcome the inevitable challenges and difficulties of married life; and
To provide education and support in the values concerning the defense of human life and the nature and importance of married sexuality, in keeping with the authentic teachings of the Church.
To sum this up, the goals of marriage preparation are to help you to grow in love, and to be open to God's grace, so that you can have a happy and fulfilling sacramental marriage.

What if only one of us is a Catholic and the other is a non-Catholic Christian?

A marriage between a Catholic and a baptized Christian (even if they're a non-Catholic) can still be a valid sacrament, according to the Canon Law of the Church, provided that the couple is free to be married (i.e., no prior valid marriages), they understand the nature of Catholic marriage, and the Catholic spouse obtains from his/her bishop a formal “permission” for the marriage.

If you wish to have your wedding celebrated at a non-Catholic church, the Catholic spouse must also obtain a "dispensation from canonical form" (i.e., a waiver of the formal requirements that the wedding occur in a Catholic Church, witnessed by a Catholic priest, deacon or bishop) from his/her bishop.

If you’re from the Archdiocese, the priest or deacon who is overseeing your marriage preparation will help you to obtain these documents from the Chancery Office. If you’re from outside the Archdiocese, you should contact a priest in your home parish to obtain these documents. Obtaining these documents can take time, so you should start the process early. Please note that permission will not be granted to have a wedding outdoors, or in a non-religious location like a catering hall or restaurant.

The Catholic spouse is also under a serious obligation to ensure that their children are raised within the Catholic faith -- indeed, during one of your interviews with the priest/deacon who is overseeing your marriage preparation, the Catholic spouse must make a formal promise to that effect, and the other spouse must be made aware of that promise.

Keep in mind that differences in religious faith can be a significant source of stress and strain in a marriage – especially when the issue of children comes around (as it will, at some point), or if there are problems with relatives or friends over this issue. The most important thing to do is to discuss this issue now – don’t put it off and deal with it later. You should have hope -- there are many, many wonderful and strong interfaith relationships in which the couples, based on their love and mutual respect, grow closer to God and each other. Holiness is always the goal, and a married couple with religious differences can still get there -- and be joyfully married as well -- by helping and supporting each other.

What if one of us was married previously?

Obviously, you can only be validly married to one person at a time, and to enter into a purported marriage with a person who was previously validly married would be the grave sin of adultery (see Mt. 19:3-9). If either of you ever went through a wedding ceremony of any kind (even if it was a civil marriage that was later dissolved), please speak to your priest or deacon as soon as possible, in order to satisfy the requirements of the Canon Law and to ensure that your marriage will be valid.

What should we do if we’re living together?

The “conventional wisdom” is that living together is a good way to prepare for marriage. As with so many other popular myths, this one is absolutely wrong. Studies show very clearly that living together is not good marriage preparation, but instead hurts a relationship:

The divorce rate for couples who have lived together is much higher than for other couples (some studies report that couples who lived together before marriage are twice as likely to divorce within the first ten years of marriage);
In the case of men who have lived with a series of women, the divorce rate is even higher;
The longer the couple lives together, the higher the divorce rate;
Couples who cohabit typically have worse communication and conflict resolution skills than those who do not, and a reduced sense of commitment.

So what should you do if you’re living together?

Because of the moral and spiritual problems, speak honestly and openly to your priest about the situation. Go to Confession, and seek God’s forgiveness and healing.
Take a serious look at your motivations and expectations about marriage and your relationship. Ask yourself: Am I really ready for a life-long, exclusive commitment? Am I feeling pressured to get married?
The best thing is to move into separate living quarters and live as brother and sister until your wedding night. If that’s not possible because of financial concerns, you can still agree to refrain from sexual relations until marriage.

Do we need to get a marriage license?

Yes. You have to present a valid marriage license to the priest or deacon who is presiding at your wedding, before the marriage ceremony may be performed.

How old do I have to be to get married?

18 years of age is considered the minimum age for marriage in the Catholic Archdiocese of San Antonio. The situation of pre-marital pregnancy is not considered sufficient reason for marriage and does not mean the preparation period will be waived. Previous marriages on the part of either person also require additional processes that may require a longer period of time.

What is Chastity?

Chastity is a virtue (like courage or honesty) that applies to a person’s sexuality. It means that you take all of your sexual desires and order them according to the demands of real love. For example, when you love a person, you make whatever sacrifice is best for them and you do whatever is necessary to keep from harming them. Chastity means that you take this definition of love and apply it to sex.

Some think that chastity simply means “no sex.” But that’s abstinence: focusing on what you can’t do and can’t have. Chastity is what you can do and can have, right now: a lifestyle that brings freedom, respect, peace, and even romance—without regret. Chastity frees a couple from the selfish attitude of using each other as objects, thus making them capable of true love.
- “Pure Love” by Jason Evert

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